Dividing the Emotional Work

You may be familiar with the term "emotional work," but what does it actually mean? One definition is the unseen, frequently overlooked work necessary to maintain other people's comfort and happiness. If it sounds a bit too general, here are a few concrete examples. Emotional work is required when planning dental visits, choosing what to serve for dinnertime, and remembering to buy Christmas presents for the entire family, and ensuring that home chores are completed. In relationships when the emotional workload isn't equally shared, anger can develop. While their partner may be completely unaware, the person doing more of the emotional work feels frustrated and underappreciated.

Here are some ways for equal emotional work management in your relationship:

1. Make the unseen visible.

For a few days, both partners should make a record of every act of emotional work they commit. This not only helps you arrange your mental burden, but it also displays the unseen labor for which everyone of you is responsible. You may be astonished at how much emotional labor you (or your partner) are responsible for, and how much has gone unnoticed in your relationship. A concrete list is an excellent starting point for more evenly distributing work between you and your partner.

2. Remove the middleman (or woman).

When one partner is in charge of reminding the other to do something, the amount of work to be done multiplies rather than divides.The partner who needs to remind their partner now bears the duty of remembering to tell them and checking up later to see if they carried out the assignment. Do you rely on your partner to ensure that you have clean clothes to wear, enough groceries, and that you know the names of your child's teachers? If this is the case, consider whether these are responsibilities that are above your ability or whether you've simply grown accustomed to relying on your partner. Instead of asking your partner what you can do to help, think about what it is that needs to be done and offer without being asked.

3. Examine your current situation.

Emotional work frequently, but not always, has a gendered component. As women in many cultures are educated to prioritize others' emotional needs over their own, the obligations generally fall on the female partner in the relationship. Consider the difficult subject of how fairly emotional work is distributed in your partnership. You have the option to adjust what you see if you don't like what you see. Taking the initiative to share emotional work can have a big influence on your relationship. It can relieve stress and frustration while also making more mental room for thankfulness for both of you.

* Understanding, respecting, and sharing emotional work results in more than a more equal partnership. It also implies a partnership in which you both have much more to be blessed for.